just a fuck you to facebook atm. WHY DO YOU NEVER WORK WHEN I NEED YOU TOO.
So things in my life are a little crazy right now. Is that ever a surprise though? Shall we start with the positive. Hanging out with Jeff. As crazy as he might sometimes think, we are actually really good at communcating with eachother, he can talk and I'll bring him down back to earth and also what he thinks and says, it really makes me think about my own life. I like that. He's a good guy, who's just trying to get through and over a lot of shit in his life, just like the rest of us. I found it particulary useful on a night like tonight, when shit just really wasn't going well with me.. and hes helped me realize what I need to do, to know what will be good for me. And becuase of that.. I feel content right now, ready for what comes next... whatever that may be. It does scare me, and to do what I'm preparing myself to do.. it's going to take courage on my part, and it's going to be hard. But in the end I'm hoping that it will work out, and will show me... the positive outcome.
Hmm.. lets search for another positive, it's making me feel better. Jacob. Due to the fact that I feel that I was made to be a mother and just want to have a kid, Jacob is filling that joid for me. And I love him for that, he is my little man at the daycare. Ronni always complains about his whineing, but I guess beacuase that I love him so much, and this little two year old is actually helping me through this part of my life, i choose to look beyond that. Love you Jacob. xx
and before i go into my whole negative speech.. which after writing this out, makes me feel even less bitchy towards the subject, lets do one more thing. I will say four truths and one lie.. think you know me well enough?
-i write stories that mostly are about drug addicts and sluts
-i WISH someone knew about my blog secretly
-i plan on distancing myself from you, emotionally
-i hope to keep my room more organized and clean from now on
-memories of you are fading, and it's healing me
well i think that will give you a bit of a thinker.
ALRIGHT, here it goes.. I don't know what to do about you anymore, so do you know what i've decided to do.. NOTHING. ha. butt fucking all. That's right ladies and gentlemen, hear me when I say this. I will be okay with whatever the fuck you want to do, because you're going to do it anyway. It really doesn't matter what I say or feel or think, and you know what that's fine, but if that's the way this is going to work, it's going to go both ways. I mean this in the calmest way possible. I've just come to this conclusion that i care almost to much. "Puppy love syndrome" to quote Couples Reatreat haha. And if things change and you fight for us, then i will fight with you. And we will be great together, just like I know we can be. But you, and all you`re stupid friends need to calm down and give me a chance, because ya I did shit that was a bit crazy in the past, but you put me up to that. I`m changing and Im moving in a positive direction, and hopefully you see that, because if you don`t then that`s just ridiculous, and it`s not fair to me. You asked for sex from me and that`s what Im giving you (a lot of it), so where are the little things I asked for? I still am not getting those texts or those calls. And personally those aren't really huge things at all. Im okay with you hanging out with and texting whoever. I trust you. So please, show me some respect.
See.. not so negative and bitchy anymore :) Whereas if I had written that first.. it may have come out very differently.
"If you come back missing.. and I don't respond, jsut remember who let who go"
goodnight monsters xx
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