well im afraid i've done something wrong. i thought that this would fix everything, but it clearly has not. you must think im fucking nuts. i can't wait till thursday to get my shit sorted out, maybe ill just start with my room until then.

fuck this shit, fuck this.

let your joy scream across the pain

well i miss you. i'm really starting to miss you now. i hope you miss me, or at least think about me.. i played pool the other night wih the guys. it was a lot of fun, especially because P came, and I even managed to win agaisnt one of them! I think i'm going to go buy my touque tomorrow. I can't wait until sunday haha plus then i can wear it all weekend. my chest pains are getting more frequent, which is making it more scary. im tired of sedating myself when i get the pain instead of actually being diagnosed. what if it is something really serious? im probably overreacting (except not about the pain, the pain is 100% real).

dear 3am, we really have to stop meeting this way. I'd much rather sleep with you~

"spread my ballls!"

im tired. today was an awesome day, filled with even more awesome friends. it's just everything is starting to take its toll.

im tired of missing you
im tired of the extreme pain im in
im tired of feeling like im going through withdrawl
im also tired of the feeling that everything in my life is temporary

sometimes people change their minds~

well hello.
haven't done much latley. well that's a lie. i went to see a movie (the bounty hunter) with B the other night. It was nice not having him trying to stick his tougne down my throat the entire time :) he did fall asleep during a part of the movie though and looked pretty funny, sitting there quietly snoring. I didn't think the movie was horrible, it did have its funny parts, i just didn't get how the soundtrack had anything to do with the movie haha buttt it was good music. it made me want to get up and dance right there in the middle of the theater. We proceded to go eat some chicken nuggets after much debate weither we had time to go get bagels and donuts. I like hanging out with him because we have so much to talk about since we still don't know eachother that well; eventhough i talk almost nonstop haha. C pissed me off, so im mad at him and also my stupid fucking windows vista security alert. GO SUCK IT AND SHUT UP. I think im going to have to take my laptop into future shop to see wtf is going on. I also cannot wait to babysit B this weekend, and then go buy my sasquatch touque! Seriously, i look very cute in it :) Im very lucky that i look good in touques and sunglasses, i couldn't imagine how hard it must be if you have trouble finding sunglasses or something. I'd go crazy. P came and visited me after work and we went out for sushi (he knows how to get me out of my house lol) and then we went and bought a ski jacket he wanted, which is where i found the touque. Other than that not a lot has been going on. Just a lot of work this week and making a lot of plans to hang out with people, like going out to play pool and things. Unfortuantly Im not able to go to richmond to see h wich is like tearing my heart out. It would have been so much fun to go get DRUNK in richmond, plus all my other group of friends is out there. dammit, it will have to happen another time. What else? hmm. How about some graphics and quotes? okay.
____________________________________________________________________

"according to him, im funny, irresistable, everything he ever wanted. everything is opposite, i don't feel like stopping it, so baby tell me what i got to loose"

"if you fall for me, im not easily to please. i might tear you apart. im only break, break, break, your heart"

if you're not willing to risk it all, you don't want it bad enough

i've learned to love abuse

"When you feel like you love someone more than he loves you, it can make you crazy. It can make you a lot crazy"

tonights episode of greys was fantastic :)

the drapes match the curtins :)

iamm drrrunk. haha what a great day. Workjed this morning and then wne tout to coffe with J. Proceded to have a sleep and talk to B. Then decided it was time to get ready to get see H dt!!! I sound so stupid just saying the letters of the people but i believe they desevr they're privacy :) Earls was amazing and they didn't id me so i drank WHITE PEACH BELINIS and heather had rasberry mojiots!!!! sooo amazing. soooo good. then we hung out dt and her friend L decided to join us. I couldn't get into clubs so while i went pee they went and bought a 26 of vodca :) and we drank and L got more fun and less sktchy which was nice haha. Now i need to get friday off so i can go see H and party at her houseeee with all my ppl from richmondd!~~!! After i finally managed to make it to the sea bus (last one!) and go pee (:]) i got to the key and nate called me. He was in NV and said hed come meet me at the quay, but i said he could meet at 3rd and that was it. So i rode my last bus to third and got off and went into subway to get a cookie... (don't ask about my thought process). For about five min there were these three guys staring at me in subway annd i kept looking away being like WTF and when i finally looked it was Mcmordie, aron and christan!! Which was a happy surprise. SO i decided to hang out with them in subway for a while. They decided to give me a ride to 6th to meet up with nate, in which we proceded to walk back down to subway HAHA (i needed more coke.. my alcohol was tasting gross). After a while this girl kept calling nate n bitching so she picked him up and gave me a ride home. And now itsd about 3am, im drunk as shiieet and have to work tomorrow. YEY. And now L and H are planning a trip to come me in the NV :) :) ah haha just reading over this is amusing. But i won't change it because thats what makes it so amazing. I hope everyone had as great and random night as i did!!
soso
(hahahaha)
xoxoxo*

remember, if i ever need my ass kicked to call nate.

This song reminds me of tonight :)

fuck not having mircosoft word.

i'm upset today because im having trouble finding photos that really inspire me. I've gone through so many pages of pictures and nothing is really jumping out. Also, I've had a headache since about seven. Oh, happy saint pattys day too. Well after writing a whole page of my thoughts, i realized that since starting this, i got really excited and told a couple of people about it, so now i have to censor what i say. UGH. so it'll probably just be easier to write some lists and add some photos. I'm mad because there were a couple things I was suposed to do today, mainly going to the doctors, and i didn't do it :( My boss is going to be mad.

Im feeling less consumed with emotions, watching my nightly routine of NCIS, Bone and then House. I switched it up a bit tonight though and watched House first hopeing that maybe I'll end up going to bed earlier haha I think I'm going crazy.. I keep hearing this noise coming from my computer that is the sound that comes up when someone's talking to you on fb chat. It's been happening for two days now. C is leaving me in just over 24 hrs :( just another person who's leaving me. I can't wait for everyone to come back from all their stupid vacations. I can't help but wonder if my relationship with my group of friends will be forever changed though. I mean they're going through a lot of things that can be eye opening and life changing that i will have no part of (but at least peter will be in the same boat as me). Which I need to make a better effort to hang out with him next week. Maybe he can come over and play some guitar hero or something? OOORR I think I'll try to organize a pool night with peter, peter, phil and some others. And friday night I`ll be hanging out with H. I just don`t really want to even try to get into a bar though. I don`t need another fake id being taken away from me. Earls is just fine for me :) I`m also quite excited since ive decided to g

o to shuswap for sure with jeff when he goes up! It should be quite a party, and i trust myself now being older and wiser (haha) to not get myself into stupid situations. I value more things now to not put them in jepurdy. And on that note of feeling more mature and happy with my state of mind i will sign off.

oh. p.s

you lieing piece of fucking shit xoxo

hey, shut your face.

im tired of stupid shit and being in my room and boys lieing and being stupid.

if i hold my breath, i can't feel the heartburn.

well really it was more like "you can't go out all the time" and she still says it.

well hello.

I feel as though since this is my first post it should be.. epic or something, breathtaking even maybe? But I have to wonder, is anyone actually going to read this? and if so will they even care? I guess I'm not doing this for anyone but myself though so it really shouldn't matter.

Anyways, my name is Courtney. I'm a very extroverted person; I'll say what's on my mind and always into meeting new people or learning new things (eventhough I can be very stubborn haha). I mainly made this blog for myself to have somewhere to post photos that inspire me and thoughts that are running around in my head. I like nice people, who do nice things, Nicholas Sparks, pretty pictures, talking, getting intoxicated with special people and my cellular device. The list goes on, but that kind of sums it up... a little bit. Okay, boys, I should also add that to the list, eapecially this one boy :)

I just found this song: Say it again by Marie Digby.. it's prety cute and she has a very sweet voice. (I must warn anyone who does decide to read this that you should be prepared for random thoughts, pictures, quotes, songs or anything else to come out of nowhere, it's what I do) I'm wiating for Bones to come on right now, it's my new crime scene show to replace CSI, I also like Criminal Minds. And with that I'll leave you with one more song: You make my dreams come true by Hall and Oates. It has a fun beat.