Oh hello there old friend

Wow. Havn't been blogging in a long time. So here's what my life is up to as of now:

I'm going to school three days a week. Taking English, Math and Sociology. I love Math so much, it's math for elementary school teachers, so not only are we doing math, but we're learning the concept behind it. I never understood Math in grade school, so taking this course has given me a brand new confidence in it! English is good, my teacher is hilarious and outrageous. Sociology suck balls. My teacher sucks, her noted suck and the course content sucks even more.

I'm still working at the pool, but not really at daycare anymore. Three times a week at the pool. Twice swimming, and one full shift of guarding (unfortunalty it also has swimming in it).

The past three weeks a bunch of my friends and I have basically been living at my friends place since her parents pce'd for three weeks. It was a lot of fun. We had cute little family dinners, and it was really nice just always having people around you. Even when you just wanted to be alone it was ok, cuz we all were able to hang out without needing attention or constant interaction with each other. Obviously there was a little bit of drama.. Looks like I've found a new guy in my life to not get a long with :P It's ok though now.. i think.. we talked, so hopefully that does something.

Oh thank you lord. I needed this.

I just keep getting beat down. I thought I was finally done with Curtis. I am done with Curtis, but can the kid just leave me alone? No. He needs his stuff back, wants to threten me, and tell me I'm worthless. I don't deserve this from any person, so I finally stuck up for myself, without getting emotional or giving him the satisfaction of upsetting me. I'm proud of me. Finally letting go of him feels good, it feels right (except for those few moments). He hasn't repsonded back to my rebuttle so far so I think I've stumped him.

Curtis, please just leave me alone. You've been nothing but rude and irrational to me. And despite what you seem to think of me, I've never done anything to hurt you intentionally, unlike what you've done to me so many times over the years. I feel as though most of it comes from me not wanting to screw you or date you or even makeout with you.. and maybe that's a bit egotistical of me to say, but maybe I'm right, or maybe I'm really wrong. All I know is how I've been treated by you. And usually that was never ok. So I'm finally letting go of whatever it was that kept me holding on to you. My life will go on without you, and it will be ok. It hurts to actually have to let someone who I thought was very important person in my life go, but you put me in this position.

Alright, now that I've gotten that out of my system. No guy pays any attention to me for god knows how long, and now all in one night I've got two guys who are like gungho ready and wanting to chill asap. Stupid life. I'm really bad at saying no... NOT in like a sexual way, but being firm about like no im not coming out tonight. Because if I was more confident I probably would go out... but I'm not. But dam does it feel good to have guys attention. I still love chris though. I think I just crave positive attention from guys because I don't get enough of it from the one important guy in my life.

I also bought my first car last week. 2006 pontiac vibe. It's beautiful, it's my dream car and it's my baby. She's currently in the shop right now though :( Getting her brakes redone. Argh, I miss driving her. Only nine more days till my n test!!!

Just busy attracting the very things I should be running from

This is actually really frustrating. I can't think of one meaningful thing to write. I just want to fill a page with witty thoughts and words, but nothing comes to my head, only boys and love.

TMMT (this made me think)

that is all.

hit me

I can't find photos today, just another bad day. I only got to sleep at around 630 from coughing all night. Usually a bit more than the normal does of calmlyn does the trick, but not last night. So exhausted and sick I dragged my butt to daycare. It wasn't so bad, the kids can usually cheer me up.. mainly jacob. Then came home became very lazy and didn't go to the gym. So by that point I'm feeling pretty low, sluggish and sad. I decided to text Curtis, see if he'd be down to hang out sometime this week (I haven't seen him since grouse night) and I basically get a message back saying a bunch of random bullshit and telling me not to respond because he won't read it "pce court" ONCE A FUCKING GAIN.
I have done nothing to deserve this from him again (he's done it so many times I can't even count) and yet here i sit upset over it. Why do I care about this person so much who oviously doesn't give a crap about me? I don't get it. I'm so fucking stupid to think he'd never do that to me, to think he'd grown up. I am just a punching bag for other peoples emotional shit. Have something bad happening in your life? Go ahead, take a swing at me because apparently that's all I'm good for.
AND THEN when its time for me to need someone, for me to need a hug, a friend. Where the fuck did everyone go? IM SO FUCKING FURIOUS AND SAD AND DONE WITH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. Nobody cares about anyone but themself. But I still rush to someones side the moment they say they need me because I ridiculously hope that when they finally realize how much I've been there for them then maybe they'll be there for me.
NO I DONT WANT TO TELL YOU OVER FUCKING TEXT, NO I DONT WANT TO TELL YOU ON THE PHONE. I WANT A FUCKING HUG. How about that.

Oh, I lost 4.8 pounds last week. Which is awesome, but since then I've drank a lot so I'm a bit scared for my next weigh in.

Where people decide to take their emotional feelings out on me, I like to type in capps here and then go work it out at the gym, unfortunalty I'll have to wait until tomorrow for the gym.

I need to start focusing on myself. I care to much about other people, about what they're doing, what they think.. what about me? Calling the CAPU admissions office tomorrow to make an appotiment, I have to start getting my life in order for next year. I've also joined weight watchers as of last thursday.. I'm not only hoping to loose weight but to learn healthier eating habbits. I'm just not right.. I don't feel whole and I don't know what to do to fix it. I want to meet new people, do new things, find a new boy if this one doesn't buck up(althought I'd rather he did). I'm open to anything, I want new adventures and I want them now.

Drews been calling me often. It's nice having someone call you and wonder about your day, ask you questions...listen. He calls me nice names and doesn't make a joke out of everything. I feel good when he texts me.. It's easy. I guess that makes me ask, is a relationship better when it feels easy and natural, or is it more when its work and fighting for something you want?

heh, that makes me happy :)

The only thing I'm sure about is getting healthy and skinny. Because once I have that, then maybe I can move on from this obsession. I'm tired of being unhappy, because somehow i make everything come back to my weight.

Day three of new diet.. =Mental breakdown. fml

thats what i feel like right now.

roosters

Wow, I haven't posted in a while. Since christmas life has been pretty busy. The last three weeks I've worked at the daycare 5 days a week, which was hard but at least I was making money.. I go back to my crappy ass hours now. Maybe it's time to get another job? ugh.
Me
I went to roosters last night in Pitt Medows. Me, Shay her mom and my parents went to go visit Don, Karen and Lindsay because they live out there now. And surprinsly very close to Roosters which is awesome. I did have high expectations of the place, and literally they were all met. The place was packed, cheap drinks, full of hot boys. The only thing I'd add is a bit more like top 40 music. It was a bit embarassing being there with my parents, but at least they were trying to have fun. Got pretty drunk, tequila shos, double long islands and hypnotiq&alize shots... yumm.. Got to actually dance with a guy :) I thought it was funny that the girls he must have gone there with kept trying to get him to go with them and he just waved them off and ignored them each time. Yey! A bit of a confidence boost that was needed. I will be going back there very soon haha

I`ve been kind of down latley though. I don`t hang out with a lot of the people I used to, which doesn`t really bother me, it`s the people I do hang out with now. Chris and I have been pretty close latley, so it means I`m usually around a lot of his people, and I know they all have this thing agaisnt me because I`m his ex gf. I didn`t realize how much that was effecting me until a few days ago. I just try so hard to be friends with anyone and I`ve never done anything to anyone of them. It`s just so unfair, all his friends are unfair, but alas we`re not dating so nothing really matters. Other than that Chris and I are getting along really well.

What else can I say... I've just signed myself up for tumblr and I don't really know why.. or even what it's used for.