No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands. And breathe.

Well it seems as if I've driven myelf into a corner, a dark, lonley corner. I get very upset at something, realize I've got really none left to talk and then get even more upset. I need a few people back in my life.. But unfortunatly I can't even talk to one of them anymore.. It was my own fault though. And as for the other two... Just go back to the way you were.. I'd appreciate it. I wish I could just say everything that's on my mind on this. But even though I've never told anyone I know about it.. That " what if" pops into my head and cuts me off of another chance at sanity. I'm not sleeping properly, I'm not eating properly (but if it was up to me I wouldn't be eating at all) and now I have a cold. On a more positive note.. Rather than daydreaming about drugs, I now go to boxing class and pitcure both S and A's face as the punching bag. Everytime I go by that house it makes me sick. Is it bad that I often wish I was a crazy junkie? I think I've just built the hype up to much in my head. this is where a normal person would ask "what good hype is there about being a junkie?"

Anyways.. If you don't feel like reading any of the above.. Long story short it my mind right now is filled with thoughts of drugs, past memories, feeling of loss, depression and weight loss topics its ridiculous. At least tomorrow(today) is monday.. Gossip girl or 90210 anyone?


You just don't get it, do you? You really don't

understand that I'm not

over you. I never was over you.

I just learned to move on.